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Mark Twain [Samuel Langhorne Clemens]
QUOTATION: These was all nice pictures, I reckon, but I didnt somehow
seem to take to them, because if ever I was down a little, they always
give me the fan-tods. Everybody was sorry she died, because she had laid
out a lot more of these pictures to do, and a body could see by what she
had done what they had lost. But I reckoned, that with her disposition,
she was having a better time in the graveyard.
QUOTATION: I see that every man that went in had his pockets bulging,
or something muffled up under his coatand I see it warnt no
perfumery either, not by a long sight. I smelt sickly eggs by the barrel,
and rotten cabbages, and such things; and if I know the signs of a dead
cat being around, and I bet I do, there was sixty-four of them went in.
I shoved in there for a minute, but it was too various for me, I couldnt
QUOTATION: When you got to the table you couldnt go right to eating,
but you had to wait for the widow to tuck down her head and grumble a
little over the victuals, though there warnt really anything the
matter with them. That is, nothing only everything was cooked by itself.
In a barrel of odds and ends it is different; things get mixed up, and
the juice kind of swaps around, and the things go better.
QUOTATION: Aunt Sally she was one of the mixed-upest looking persons
I ever see; except one, and that was uncle Silas, when he come in, and
they told it all to him. It kind of made him drunk, as you may say, and
he didnt know nothing at all the rest of the day, and preached a
prayer meeting sermon that night that give him a rattling ruputation,
because the oldest man in the world couldnt a understood it.
QUOTATION: It was awful thoughts, and awful words, but they was said.
And I let them stay said, and never thought no more about reforming. I
shoved the whole thing out of my head, and said I would take up wickedness
again, which was in my line, being brung up to it, and the other warnt.
And for a starter, I would go to work and steal Jim out of slavery again;
and if I could think up anything worse, I would do that, too; because
as long as I was in, and in for good, I might as well go the whole hog.
QUOTATION: The widow Douglas, she took me for her son, and allowed she
would sivilize me; but it was rough living in the house all the time,
considering how dismal regular and decent the widow was in all her ways;
and so when I couldnt stand it no longer, I lit out. I got into
my old rags, and my sugar-hogshead again, and was free and satisfied.
But Tom Sawyer, he hunted me up and said he was going to start a band
of robbers, and I might join if I would go back to the widow and be respectable.
So I went back.
QUOTATION: Ive always reckoned that looking at the new moon over
your left shoulder is one of the carelessest and foolishest things a body
can do. Old Hank Bunker done it once, and bragged about it; and in less
than two years he got drunk and fell off of the shot tower and spread
himself out so that he was just a kind of layer, as you may say; and they
slid him edgeways between two barn doors for a coffin, and buried him
so, so they say, but I didnt see it. Pap told me. But anyway, it
all come of looking at the moon that way, like a fool.
QUOTATION: We all went to church, about three mile, everybody a-horseback.
The men took their guns along, so did Buck, and kept them between their
knees or stood them handy against the wall. The Shepherdsons done
the same. It was pretty ornery preachingall about brotherly love,
and such-like tiresomeness; but everybody said it was a good sermon, and
they all talked it over going home, and had such a powerful lot to say
about faith, and good works, and free grace, and preforeordestination,
and I dont know what all, that it did seem to me to be one of the
roughest Sundays I had run across yet.
QUOTATION: Pap always said it warnt no harm to borrow things, if
you was meaning to pay them back, sometime; but the widow said it warnt
anything but a soft name for stealing, and no decent body would do it.
Jim said he reckoned the widow was partly right and pap was partly right;
so the best way would be for us to pick out two or three things from the
list and say we wouldnt borrow them any morethen he reckoned
it wouldnt be no harm to borrow the others. So we talked it over
all one night, drifting on down the river, trying to make up our minds
whether to drop the watermelons, or the cantelopes, or the mushmelons,
or what. But toward daylight, we got it all settled satisfactory, and
concluded to drop crabapples and psimmons.