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Support the Monkey! Tell All your Friends and Teachers |
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Support the Monkey! Tell All your Friends and Teachers |
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357 ‘Consent, then, to his demand is possible: but for one item-one dreadful item. It is-that he asks me to be his wife, and has no more of a husband’s heart for me than that frowning giant of a rock, down which the stream is foaming in yonder gorge. He prizes me as a soldier would a good weapon, and that is all. Unmarried to him, this would never grieve me; but can I let him complete his calculationscoolly put into practice his plans-go through the wedding ceremony? Can I receive from him the bridal ring, endure all the forms of love (which I doubt not he would scrupulously observe) and know that the spirit was quite absent? Can I bear the consciousness that every endearment he bestows is a sacrifice made on principle? No: such a martyrdom would be monstrous. I will never undergo it. As his sister, I might accompany him-not as his wife: I will tell him so.’ I looked towards the knoll: there he lay, still as a prostrate column; his face turned to me: his eye beaming watchful and keen. He started to his feet and approached me. ‘I am ready to go to India, if I may go free.’ ‘Your answer requires a commentary,’ he said; ‘it is not clear.’ ‘You have hitherto been my adopted brother-I, your adopted sister: let us continue as such: you and I had better not marry.’ He shook his head. ‘Adopted fraternity will not do in this case. If you were my real sister it would be different: I should take you, and seek no wife. But as it is, either our union must be consecrated and sealed by marriage, or it cannot exist: practical obstacles oppose themselves to any other plan. Do you not see it, Jane? Consider a moment-your strong sense will guide you.’ I did consider; and still my sense, such as it was, directed me only to the fact that we did not love each other as man and wife should: and therefore it inferred we ought not to marry. I said so. ‘St. John,’ I returned, ‘I regard you as a brotheryou, me as a sister: so let us continue.’ ‘We cannot-we cannot,’ he answered, with short, sharp determination: ‘it would not do. You have said you will go with me to India: remember-you have said that.’ ‘Conditionally.’ ‘Well-well. To the main point-the departure with me from England, the cooperation with me in my future labours-you do not object. You have already as good as put your hand to the plough: you are too consistent to withdraw it. You have but one end to keep in view-how the work you have undertaken can best be done. Simplify your complicated interests, feelings, thoughts, wishes, aims; merge all considerations in one purpose: that of fulfilling with effect-with powerthe mission of your great Master. To do so, you must have a coadjutor: not a brother-that is a loose tie-but a husband. I, too, do not want a sister: a sister might any |
