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Support the Monkey! Tell All your Friends and Teachers |
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Support the Monkey! Tell All your Friends and Teachers |
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267 repress them, because I knew he would not like to see me weep. Now, however, I considered it well to let them flow as freely and as long as they liked. If the flood annoyed him, so much the better. So I gave way and cried heartily. Soon I heard him earnestly entreating me to be composed. I said I could not while he was in such a passion. ‘But I am not angry, Jane: I only love you too well; and you had steeled your little pale face with such a resolute, frozen look, I could not endure it. Hush, now, and wipe your eyes.’ His softened voice announced that he was subdued; so I, in my turn, became calm. Now he made an effort to rest his head on my shoulder, but I would not permit it. Then he would draw me to him: no. ‘Jane! Jane!’ he said, in such an accent of bitter sadness it thrilled along every nerve I had; ‘you don’t love me, then? It was only my station, and the rank of my wife, that you valued? Now that you think me disqualified to become your husband, you recoil from my touch as if I were some toad or ape.’ These words cut me: yet what could I do or say? I ought probably to have done or said nothing; but I was so tortured by a sense of remorse at thus hurting his feelings, I could not control the wish to drop balm where I had wounded. ‘I do love you,’ I said, ‘more than ever: but I must not show or indulge the feeling: and this is the last time I must express it.’ ‘The last time, Jane! What! do you think you can live with me, and see me daily, and yet, if you still love me, be always cold and distant?’ ‘No, sir; that I am certain I could not; and therefore I see there is but one way: but you will be furious if I mention it.’ ‘Oh, mention it! If I storm, you have the art of weeping.’ ‘Mr. Rochester, I must leave you.’ ‘For how long, Jane? For a few minutes, while you smooth your hair-which is somewhat dishevelled; and bathe your face-which looks feverish?’ ‘I must leave Adele and Thornfield. I must part with you for my whole life: I must begin a new existence among strange faces and strange scenes.’ ‘Of course: I told you you should. I pass over the madness about parting from me. You mean you must become a part of me. As to the new existence, it is all right: you shall yet be my wife: I am not married. You shall be Mrs. Rochesterboth virtually and nominally. I shall keep only to you so long as you and I live. You shall go to a place I have in the south of France: a whitewashed villa on the shores of the Mediterranean. There you shall live a happy, and guarded, and most innocent life. Never fear that I wish to lure you into error-to make you my mistress. Why did you shake your head? Jane, you must be reasonable, or in truth I shall again become frantic.’ |
